by Karen Curry
I have a friend who believes that the personal growth industry is a sham because people don’t follow through on what they learn from books and workshops. Now I wouldn’t go as far as to say that the industry is a sham but I do think that people don’t learn very much from books and workshops.
I have ready many, many personal growth and development books and attended more personal growth seminars than I can count on my fingers and toes. And while I am certain that I have learned a lot from some of the world’s top teachers, my usual pattern is to come home from a seminar fired up and ready to make some big changes and by Thursday of the following week, I’m back in my old habits and patterns again.
Sound familiar?
My greatest lessons in life have been mastered, not in the solitude of my cave while I meditated or during intense therapy sessions but while lying face down in the proverbial “doo-doo” of the messes I have created in my life.
These dark moments have been the “pushing off points” for my growth and evolution.
But, it wasn’t always that way. I am 45 years old and for about 40 years of my life, I felt like I needed to apologize every time I entered a room.
I was sorry for all my mistakes.
I was sorry for the interruption of my presence in the room.
I was sorry for taking up people’s times and energy.
I was sorry for speaking up.
I was sorry for not being dressed correctly, educated properly, well-read, beautiful enough, etc.
(Let me assure you that, in spite of my bigger understandings now, I still have days when I battle these demons…)
Truth is, like almost everyone, I have made a lot of mistakes in my life. I’ve had some heart-breaking adventures. I have failed at marriage, never had a “normal” job for more than a few months and all my love relationships have been excruciatingly painful. Friendships aren’t so easy for me either. I have struggled mightily with finances. My family thinks I am the poster child for screwing up. I still make promises I struggle to keep, am terrified of losing control of my life and I worry that G-d has given up on me.
It is easy for me to define myself by mistakes and by the things I have survived. But I have learned that I am not my mistakes, nor am I the result of the things I have survived. I am more than all of that.
When we make mistakes or life just doesn’t seem to go the way we plan, it’s easy to be seduced by despair. We seem to be very conditioned to be comfortable with suffering.
When things don’t go as planned we ask ourselves, “Why me?” and “What did I do wrong?” or my favorite, “Why does this always happen to me?”
We are powerful creators of our own reality. Where we put our energy and attention in the form of action and consciousness is where we get growth and results in our life and our outer reality.
If, when we are facing challenges, we continue to ask ourselves questions that force us to focus our energy on our pain, our mistakes and suffering, our focus remains on…well…our pain, mistakes and suffering and we continue to create more of the same in our lives.
We are so much bigger than our experiences and our awareness. Our highest intention in this life is to grow and expand. It is the nature of the Divine to grow and evolve and we, as individuated aspects of the whole, work to facilitate this growth.
When we are hurting, feeling challenged or struggling, it is not because we are hapless victims of a world over which we have no control, but rather, because on a higher level, we create these experiences because they are vital stepping stone to our personal growth and evolution.
But we don’t get to reap the benefits of our challenges if we continue to focus on the pain and ask ourselves the wrong questions.
What if instead of despairing and disparaging questions, you instead ask yourself this one very important question:
What do I want to be experiencing in this situation?
This one powerful question helps you gain clarity and immediately shifts your focus and attention towards the positive solution to the situation.
Remember, where you put your energy and attention is where you get growth and results in your life.
If you are focusing on the pain and suffering rather than your desired outcome, then guess what you will create more of in your life?
(Hint: It’s not “good”)
But if you, instead, focus on what you want, imagine the creative possibilities you are projecting forth into the Universe!
Of course, there’s a little more to this whole equation.
Answering the question of what you want is pretty easy. We usually know what we want. At the very least, we certainly know what we don’t want, which is a good place to start.
But once you’ve clarified what you want, you have to take some kind of action to create it.
Now, action can be a tricky word. It doesn’t always mean physically doing something. Action can be as simple as getting your head screwed on right by changing your mindset or adjusting your belief system.
It’s not enough to just fantasize about what could be. You have to start creating in the direction in which you intend.
So, for example, let’s look at my imperfect, perfect life. (You can fill in the details of your life here, if you like.)
When I was pregnant with my fifth child, my baby’s father had to leave and go work in China right before my due date. I felt very alone and despairing but I didn’t want my emotional challenges to influence my birth experience or my baby, so I applied the following process:
Step 1. I asked myself the question: What would I like to be experiencing in this situation?
My answer: I want to feel safe and supported as I bring this new person into the world. I want to be cared for, loved and nurtured and to have the freedom to focus exclusively on the birthing process and to know that all is well.
(Once I completed this step, I realized that a lot of my intention is self-referenced anyway. Feeling safe and supported is my responsibility and I can certainly create that in my own experience and these are feelings that are not dependent on others.)
Step 2. The Action Part
In order to have the experience I wanted, I needed to take a couple of steps:
1. Visualize and meditate on my birth experience happening exactly as I intend.
2. Call my friends and family and find other people who are willing to be present with me during labor.
3. Consciously stay in a mindset of positive expectation and trust that all is in Divine Order, even if it doesn’t all make sense to me right now. I know that this will pass and in hindsight, the bigger picture will be revealed.
4. Stay excited about meeting my baby. (This part isn’t hard!)
Lastly, in order to keep focusing on your creative intention, it is important that you look for evidence that what you want is already in your life right now.
So for example, I want to feel supported. I’m already being beautifully supported:
-Every day people who love me call me and check on me. -My mother is coming to stay with me for two weeks. -My father is coming to help me move in June. -My kids have been super about helping out around the house. -I have a really great midwife who I trust and feel safe with.
Let’s review these steps one more time so we can all practice together today!
Ready?
Step One: Ask yourself what you want to be experiencing in this situation.
Step Two: Take any action necessary to make this come about and continue to focus on your intention.
Step Three: Search for evidence that your intentions are already true in your life and express your gratitude.
You may not be able to change the situation at hand, but by taking these simple steps, you will begin to immediately change your experience of the situation and position yourself to experience exactly what you intend and even greater miracles!
May all of your challenges become powerful Points of Evolution. May you celebrate your growth with great joy and delight. May you greet each moment with eager anticipation and stay in the flow of your Abundant Birthright!
Karen Curry, B.S.N., Child Development Specialist, author, speaker and founder of Indigo Heart Publishing and Joyful Mission is the mother of five children ranging in ages from 20 years to 16 months.
Over the last 20 years, Karen has worked with Indigo Families as an advocate and coach helping them find educational and parenting alternatives. She is the founder of the world’s first Indigo Family Coach Certification Training program and has trained people all over the world as Indigo Family Coaches. She is also the creator of the teleclass series, The Empowered Family Training and The Indigo Revolution, two programs created for parents of “psychic” children.
Karen has worked as an intuitive (in Sedona, Arizona), a Human Design Specialist and teacher and is the author of over five books, including “Waging Peace in the Face of Rage, an Anger Management Guide for Parents”, “EFT for Parents” and her bestselling book, “Inside the Body of God.” Her two new books, “Parenting in 2012 and Beyond, Building a Strong Family Foundation in Times of Change” and "The Evolution Handbook" will be published in January 2011.
Karen currently lives in Houston, Texas with four of her five children. She home-schools her teenage son, giggles and dances with her toddler, marvels at her two teenage daughters and runs Indigo Heart Publishing out of her dining room. Her oldest son is a film student at the University of Texas.